©2020 by Kama Hagar.

My Dance with Darkness

It may shock some, but my first love wasn't love and light, healing or positivity. My first love was mysterious and dangerous, taboo and eerie. My first love was darkness. Mystical? Yes. Beneficial? Not the way I was involved. A little love for horror movies and creepy things turned into arbitrary séances, late-night Ouija board sessions and an unquenchable thirst for all things haunting. If I'm honest, I still get a pretty good rush out of just thinking of this stuff - it really lights up that little stop-motion-loving graveyard prancer I have deep inside.


In seventh grade, I had a well-respected teacher named, Mr. Thomas sit down next to me after reading a creative story I wrote about connecting with a young dead girl via Ouija (you know, the original social platform). Mr. Thomas looked at me eye-to-eye and warned me to be careful playing with "the other side," and the kind of energy I could be attracting. I blinked at him with young hazel eyes and mesmerization. He was one of the only adults outside of my hippie-spiritual family that had ever acknowledged "the other side."

"Please just be careful." He told me with profound seriousness.


My dance with the darkness continued, though I never forgot my teacher's words. My friends even started to become afraid to have sleepovers at my house because of the unknown, but likely possibility that I might decide to invite some ghosts over too. My mom hid my Ouija board and everyone swore off playing my creepy games with me, so I continued along my merry, spooky way solo. Even with the endless list of the intense, frightening things that happened to me through entering this portal, it wasn't until one day in high school in my best friend Rachael's room that I realized what I was messing with and the power I held.


We sat in her perfectly bright bedroom, her dad and sister home in the other rooms on a casual Thursday night. Nothing but laughs and good vibes when I started telling a scary story about something that had happened to me at our home on Maui. We sat there feeling a bit chilled, but nothing crazy, until, in perfect character, I chose to repeat a chant I'd learned to get spirits to cross over to our dimension. As I recited it there in Rachael's sweet childhood bedroom, a sudden hush came over the entire space and everything felt horrifying. Dark, heavy, severe. We sat there with our eyes wide and locked on each other's, frozen.


"And how do you get them to leave?" Rachael asked me slowly with a shake in her voice.


"You set them free." I replied in a phrase that didn't feel like my own.


As soon as those words were spoken, it was as if every light in the room flipped on, the windows opened, birds chirped and everyone returned back to their happy, safe lives. The energy around us shifted so suddenly and so extraordinarily, every hair on my arms stood up and Rachael immediately burst into tears. We held each other in sheer disbelief and I realized right there on the spot, that I was capable of channeling any energy I wanted to. With clear intention, we all are.


From that point on, I began backing away from the dark and redirecting my lasso toward the light. I realized I could encapsulate pure, loving, magnetic energy. I could bring healing upon myself. I could manifest whatever the f*ck I wanted to manifest. And little by little, this is exactly what I did. Little by little, I realized, "wow, this could help a lot of people."


So here I am on the other side, an ex-black magic junkie, a channel of all things magical, but light.


In doing so, I have transformed my life into such a fun playground full of positivity. I came to this place of light and healing by first crawling through some pretty ominous places. I learned it's all about the intention you put out there. You'll attract what you are and what you want.


This adrenaline-loving ghoul inside of me still craves mystical, so I give her mystical, just through healthier means, like: tarot cards, crystals, sage, nature and meditation. Okay, and a little intentional séance here and there.


In honor of Halloween, please light my freaky soul on fire and tell me:

What's your best, true ghost story?


103 views1 comment