11 Midweek Musings

bean and cheese burritos change privacy Jan 31, 2024

I'm making some big changes within and without right now. And to sustain and withstand the changes without, I really needed to make the changes within. Both fuel each other. Knowing I'm leveling up helps me actually level up. Does that make sense?

It really inspires me to not fear change. Change changes us for the good. We just gotta commit to the good. You feel?


1. Bean and cheese burritos.

Truthfully, this is always number one, but whenever I'm back in California, this is what I'm most excited about. A fresh, yummy stretchy tortilla filled with creamy, salty refried beans and melted gooey cheese. Cilantro and onion as bonus, and always a mix of salsa verde and a fresh, tomato-forward salsa roja. *Chef's kiss.*


2. Moving like I just got out of surgery.

Yep. No more rushing in my daily life. No more forcing. This is my quirky little challenge for slowing the f*ck down.


3. Gratitude journaling 2x daily.

I've been using my gratitude journal daily and nightly to bookend my day and it has been EXCEPTIONAL. People always tell you to be grateful, but where do you even start? How do you stay committed? Here are the questions in the journal I love:

  • 3 things I’m grateful for
  • 3 things that would make today great
  • Positive affirmation
  • 3 good things that happened today
  • Something I learned today


4. No more negative stories.

I once attended an event where a man came in, told us his first name and no story. He just sat with us in presence, telling us there was no need for a story because all that actually exists is this present moment. He then led us through a series of presence exercises that were so profound, I literally had a psychedelic experience just breathing, just being.

I've thought about this for a long time. My stories perpetuate whatever energy they're conveying. They're my focuses and therefore, my beliefs. My beliefs create my reality so my stories create my reality. My stories are now gratitude, excitement and presence-focused. I’m no longer attaching to negative things that have happened. Yes, I can vent on occasion, but consciously and not to everyone I love. Once is more than enough. 


5. Sharing more about me socially.

I've had a historic tendency of overthinking my social interactions - a part of me always felt like it needed to hide. Really, I was afraid to take up space. But the truth is, when do you feel the most unguarded and connected? When someone is shifty and short or when they share who they are with you? The latter, right? People want to hear what makes you you - it actually creates safety. I'm committed to actually sharing - what's funny to me, what's cool, what I'm dreaming up in my life, etc. No more hiding.


6. Keeping some things private.

On the contrary, but really right in line with the last one, I am also learning what doesn't need to be shared. Some things are just mine. Some things are just mine and my partner's. Some things are just mine and my family's. Some things are just between me and my best friend. Not because I have anything to hide, but rather privacy is a form of maturity and self-respect. I'm done with oversharing. Connection comes in much realer, deeper ways.


7. Not letting other people’s emotions/energy shifts say anything about me/affect me.

Codependency undone. Easier said than done, but I have had a lot of challenging opportunities to put this into practice lately. Though it was incredibly stressful to navigate while it was happening in such big waves, I am feeling so much more capable than I ever have. I notice someone sad, angry, uncomfortable and I ask: "are you okay?" They either say:

a) yes.

b) no, here's what I need.

If I get a, I just trust. No prying, no ruminating, just accepting that answer.

If I get b, I check in with myself and truly gauge what I can/want to give.

No one else's emotional experience is my responsibility. Yours isn't anyone else's either.


8. Couples vision boarding.

My bf and I did this right before the new year and it was so beautiful. We projected his Pinterest from his laptop onto the TV and searched the keywords that we envisioned and desired for our future. We learned so much about each other and it was collaborative. His and mine. Ours, manifested before our eyes.


9. Researching stuff.

This sounds silly, but I find myself wondering, like humans do, about things all the time. But I never look them up. I just wonder and forget. Lately, I've been creating space to get curious. Google is literally at our fingertips. What does this word mean? When did that civilization flourish? How do you balance your social life? Etc. It feels good to the child within.


10. Short weighted HIIT workouts (because I’m in my follicular phase).

This is not for everyday or every time of the month, but when I am feeling well rested, recovered and hormonally energized (I track this all with my Oura ring and the app, Natural Cycles), I do 30 minute HIIT workouts. I used to HATE weights and cardio and sometimes, I still do, but when I pace myself and really take those rests in between sets, I actually like it. It feels approachable and I get so much sorer than I expect after! 


11. Faking calm.

Listen, I am really anti-faking. I even have a problem with the term "fake it till you make it," even though I understand the premise completely: to practice embodying until embodied. Something I've noticed though, is that the best leaders (in any given situation) are always calm. God knows they don't always feel that way, but they understand that their energy impacts the whole. Yes, we need a space to be real and let our guard down, but honestly, faking calm helps us become calm sometimes. It also keeps the entire event from spiraling out of control (both inside and outside). Think of a baby: if it falls and the parent reacts with fright, the baby will cry; if it falls and the parent reacts peacefully, it will respond accordingly. We can impact the entire experience just by how we choose to express and handle. I'm feelin' the calm right now.

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