A few years back, when I realized in a therapy session that I'd been coping with a hefty dose of anxiety my entire life, I realized: it wasn't that I was fearless, it was that I was incredibly brave. It's not that I don't feel, it's that I always face those feelings and overcome letting them get the best of me.
My bravery is my favorite quality about myself.
The definition of bravery is an important place to start. It's important to note that bravery in and of itself means "having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty: having or showing courage;" Not having no fear.
It is essential to note that to be brave, there is an important sacrifice that needs to made to invoke that bravery: comfort. This is where the mental strength comes into play. You can handle being uncomfortable. Being in discomfort does not mean you're in crisis. Being in discomfort means you're simply uncomfortable. Handle.
So here's how we make the practical magic happen:
Invocation: bravery.
Sacrifice: comfort.
3 Steps to Administer Bravery:
1. Breath.
It's free, it's yours, it's MADE to guide us through discomfort. Think: labor, hard workouts, extreme physical pain or injury. If it works so well for the physical body, why would the medicine cease to work for the mind and emotions? It doesn't. Work it. Breathe through all the fear, anxiety and panic. You're just uncomfortable. You are safe. Breathe.
2. Accountability partner.
I wouldn't be half the amount of brave I am if it weren't for my best friend in middle school. I was scared of everything from getting kidnapped to losing my parents in a random freak accident at any given moment. My separation anxiety was debilitating. I was frozen with shame about being thirteen and unable to even have a sleepover at a friend's house without panicking. Crippled with fear, I found myself crying one night, while my parents were away on a four-day trip. John called me and pried the truth out of me about what I was dealing with. With unwavering support and compassion, he talked me through it, walking me to the end of every hypothetical nightmare that was playing in my head. He brought it out of the shadow and reminded me of my safety.
He continued to be this force for me in so many ways. Though my parents would object to this version of support, the defining moments of my bravery came from sneaking out with John. He'd meet me outside my window in the dead of night, adrenaline coursing through my veins as we frolicked through redwood forests, through thick rolling fog and under flurries of stars. It became our weekend ritual to just be one with the night, each time, he'd meet me further and further from my house until I was walking miles alone in the dark with him on the phone, encouraging my every step. Until one day... I didn't need him. I'd walk alone. I'd walk peacefully, feeling my heart rhythmically beating with the crickets. We even called ourselves "Team Shadow" (for the shadows of the dark of course), but later in my life, I realized the serendipity of the name... "Shadow work" is looking at the dark scary parts of your internal landscape, facing them, and bringing them to the light. It's brave work. It's the work we were doing.
Get yourself a John. Someone who you trust, who can push you, support you and help you forward when you're too afraid to take that step.
3. Use the muscle.
Bravery is like a muscle. It needs to be used, it needs to be strengthened. How do you get physically strong? You exercise that muscle. How do you get mentally strong? You exercise that mental quality. For bravery, try something everyday that's a bit out of your comfort zone. Start small. Say something in a casual conversation you're a bit afraid to say. Wear the brighter color. Ask for a small favor if that's hard for you. Do something you'd normally do with a partner by yourself. Whatever makes you feel a little uncomfortable, do that until it's easy, breezy. Do one thing like this everyday and watch yourself expand into someone courageous.
Want a full practice and workshop on bravery? Sign up for the Mu Membership and get access to it and 20+ other full length workshops on self-development, self-care and healing.
