9 Lessons From the Most Challenging Year of My Life

growth purification wisdom Jul 20, 2022

Here it is... the moment you've all been waiting for (or maybe not). But I can tell you it's the moment that I've been waiting for. The one where the swell stills and I can catch my breath for a moment. The one where I can pause and ask the golden question: why is this happening for me? What is is the lesson here? 

If you're sick of my sob stories from the past couple of weeks (and even the last year), I feel you. I was sick of them too. Sick of complaining about my the endless stream of illnesses I got, sick of complaining about the deaths I'd faced in my life, sick of complaining about how things weren't going as planned, sick of complaining about feeling rootless, sick of whining about how lonely it's been in a new place even though I love it so much. So sick of it that I did what I know I'm here on earth to do: learn, grow and transform from them. I am here to flip my own self-victim-y script into one of positive empowerment after of course, moving holistically through the swampy mud.

Here are some hard truth-pills I had to swallow to overcome the most challenging year of my life thus far:

  1. We manifest our own hell through our temporal selves and our souls. What this means is we could be doing everything right on a human-level and still be dealt a shit storm because that’s what we NEED to grow, evolve and learn at a soul-level. If you want what’s best for you, you may get what’s worst for you to level up. You may need to be shaken to your core to get the lessons you're being dealt. Listen up.
  2. Trying to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved only fucks up their path more. Who are we to know what people need? Who are we to be the all-knowing superior of all paths? If someone is adamantly choosing to suffer, it may be the journey their soul needs. Getting in the way is getting in the way of their journey. They may have come to earth to experience tragedy, loneliness, pain and hardship for something greater than we (or even they) could ever understand. People won't change unless they want to - and maybe (bold statement alert): they aren't supposed. Either way, their path is holy and it's theirs.
  3. If people won’t meet you halfway, don’t waste your time. In the same breath, only help if people will meet you halfway. It doesn't matter how much they act like they want to do better or call on you for support - if they're not willing to do at least half the work, save your time. Maybe it'll even save them.
  4. Protect yourself, protect your energy. Learn to speak the f*ck up. No one can protect you but yourself. Say what you mean, what you need and set your boundaries. Tell people when they've crossed a line. No one deserved to be pleased more than you from you. And by the way, self-isolation is not self-protection, it's just self-isolation. Show up with your power. 
  5. Repressed emotions WILL manifest as illness and dis-ease. Start to learn to feel your feelings. Reach me for a 1:1 if you need my life-changing emotional process practice. Healthy emotional processing is key to your wellbeing. No more pretending to be okay. I don't mean to scare you, but you need to face your feelings.
  6. Social well-being is so much more important than we give it credit for. As an introvert, I honestly hate to say it, but we are social beings. We heal in community. We need people and they need us. Put yourself out there. Find your tribe. Open up. Support and be supported. Let me know if you need help.
  7. Your sexual wellbeing is just as important as everything else in your life. Work out shame now and heal more than you could even imagine. There are incredible teachers and coaches in this specific niche, as well as incredible shadow work you can do. Reach out to me if you want to know more about either.
  8. Show up to the hardship with reverence. Though we want to avoid and curse the tough stuff with all our might, don't miss out on the challenging moments as they come up. Respect them. They are your purifiers and teachers. A powerful mantra: “This is my purification, I should be here for this.” 
  9. Focusing on what to critique pulls you away from the pleasure at hand. To maximize your pleasure, always focus on the pleasure. Your inner critic may have a seasoned palette, but he's not fun to hang out with. In fact, even in good times he steals the show. Take it back and enjoy.

Finding the lessons in the challenges is what frees up from cycles and stuck-ness. I take pride in my ability to identify these groundbreaking nuances and would be happy to help you do the same. Let's go.

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