"You know, there's something you do that's very unique." My therapist said, nodding, "You feel the full weight and depth of your feelings, but you don't get stuck at the bottom. You rise - you allow yourself to pop back up again."
I recalled a friendly, spiritual debate I'd had with my dad one time.
"All things want to float to the surface!" My dad said as he pushed a foam noodle deep under the bubbling jacuzzi water. It splashed us both as it pushed back up to the air. "Beach balls, boats, humans, ya know."
"What? There are tons of things that sink down to the bottom: rocks, anchors, dead humans, ya know." I countered.
"Okay," He agreed, "But what all the things I mentioned are light. All light things want to be light and maybe they are light because they stay light." He suggested with side-eyes.
"So you think the light is better than the heavy?" I asked.
"Oh yeah! That's where it's at! All things wish they were light."
"I don't know though." I said pensively. "Heaviness can be anchoring, grounding. I think heaviness brings us to our depth."
We continued this esoteric conversation with an open end and I was left considering a quote I've meditated on for a long time from the novel, The Unbearable Lightness of Being:
"The heaviest of burdens is simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment. The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become. Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into new heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant. What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?"
As I sat in my therapy session, I considered my therapist's words: "you feel the full weight and depth... you allow yourself to pop back up again."
This, I realized, is my secret sauce. I have a tether to the depth. The depth is my anchor. The depth is my support, my core, my teacher, my guide, my mother, my father. I am unafraid of living in the heaviness - the ocean. I am unafraid of the waves, the vastness. I have fastened my seatbelt and buckled up for this wild ride called life and am understanding and brave enough to face the ebbs and flows. I understand that the stormiest days that pull me under are the ones the use me to my fullest potential - the ones that align me further on my path. And I know that no matter how many times I am brought to my knees, gasping for air, I will rise.
I am buoy in the ocean. I am unafraid of the heaviness. I am unafraid of the light. I am the embodiment of both.
You, my friend, are too. Remember your perfect alchemy. Allow yourself the depth and allow yourself to rise. This is how to experience the richness of life.
Need a mentor? I'm here for you. Let's work on this balance.