I recently made the realization that I live with a sense of perpetual, underlying fear.
"I'm scared all the time." I told my therapist. "I feel like I act and seem super tough and fearless. I'm far from fearless... I think I'm just really brave."
This was like a mic-drop moment for the therapist chair. It was like this sweet woman who has been working with me for over two years finally, finally was watching me drop the façade and finally accept all of my anxieties. Dare I even say, anxiety.
From my unconventional upbringing to the adventurous life I choose to live to the sheer fact that I am a woman in a patriarchal society - all has affected me.
I recently heard that bravery can't be without fear. It makes sense, doesn't it? But no one ever thinks of warriors and champions as fearful. Yet, how could they be brave if they weren't fearful inside?
Upon all of this reflection, I flipped through an old notebook of mine to find this mysterious anecdote:
You can't negotiate darkness.
Fear is always a liar.
Truth dismantles fear.
By letting fear make your decisions, you live in fear.
Truth is the light.
If it's about making someone wrong, it's your opinion. Not the truth.
To be is to teach.
I don't know when or why I wrote these words, but it felt like my highest self speaking through me. On the topic of notes on fear, I'd like to add:
It's okay to feel fear.
Maybe in this life, you always will.
Maybe you'll choose to be brave.
And choose the truth.