I have stepped into a new threshold and it's so full of light.
I decided a few weeks ago that it was time for everyone to start living - including myself.
No more shame, guilt or waiting for worthiness. No more excuses. No more "but's." No more limiting stories.
My upbringing has made me feel unsafe in the world. The story I've told myself every single day and moment of my life is "I'm not safe." Walking, driving, going to the grocery store, talking to people in the neighborhood, going to dinner with new friends - not safe. The origin of the story itself is valid. My feelings are valid, but the amount of social anxiety I accumulated from this story was nearly killing me. At all times, I felt like a gazelle in a savanna.
I accepted that no one else could fix this. I couldn't blame society, the patriarchy or crazy people anymore. I had to look inside. I had to flip my mindset and start living. I decided my freedom and joy are more important than this story.
So during the auspicious Lion's Gate portal on 8/8/21, I walked out the gates of my pretty and primed gated community and to the beach where I stripped off my sarong and walked unhurriedly by creeping men and innocent families alike. I ditched my keys and hat under the shade of a palm tree, trusting in the safety of it all - no matter what.
I submerged into the ocean, not waiting for anyone or anything to happen for me, to me, or to help me feel safe and just seized the moment. Wading in the warm waves during that time was one of the most peaceful moments of my life.
"There is nothing to be afraid of. I am safe. I am free. Be here now. You're in control where you'd need to be in control." I reminded myself, whilst letting everything else drop. The more I leaned into the beauty of the moment, the less I even needed the affirming; The less I even needed to put up a fight with my own story. I just surrendered.
Empowerment is deciding to start living your life today. It doesn't take wealth. It doesn't take romance. It doesn't take full-fledged self-love.
It just takes deciding your life is more important than your fears or stories. It takes bravery. It takes perseverance. It takes trust.
But all of those things are available to you. They are you. They're yours.
Empowerment is realizing that.
Your life is meant to be yours.
Take it back.