I move to Hawai'i next week. Writing those words is one of the most humbling, magnificent, mind-blowing things I've ever written because I've wanted this all my life. Truthfully, it's always been there. Hawai'i didn't get closer, my job has almost always been remote, and the core of my heart has always wanted this... so why now?
I've sat with the answer to this question since the moment I put an offer on my Hawaiian home and have gained clarity I found essential to share with you. To move to Hawai'i, I'd be becoming my integrated, true self. I'd be standing in my desire. It would take commitment, bravery and embodiment of what I wanted now. That's why now. To move to Hawai'i, I needed to undergo a rite of passage, as this marks quite possibly, the most important graduation I'll ever have in my life. Moving to Hawai'i was never just about moving to Hawai'i; Moving to Hawai'i is about accepting myself wholly and completely.
1. I developed deep reverence and respect for the very thing I wanted.
In 2018, my love for Hawai'i pulled me to a Hawaiian healing training where I studied with native healers and elders, studying their philosophies, their rituals, their medicines, their 'aina. I took aloha with me, vowing to not only respect this beautiful culture when I was there, but also to allow it to permeate through me. I became a student and eventually, just through proliferation, a teacher of this way of being. I became devotional.
2. I accepted where I was.
I was so committed to bringing Hawai'i home, that I actually did. I played the reggae, I danced the dances, I adorned my space with Ti leaves and tropical flowers, I practiced anchoring into forgiveness, responsibility, gratitude, hospitality, connection with nature and peace. I decided that Hawai'i was a state of mind and being and my personal, waking nirvana would be achieved when I could find it everywhere without desperately looking - just feeling. I embodied true joy, contentment and gratitude within.
3. I let go of what didn't serve.
Relationships, places, ways of thinking, emotional tendencies, businesses, etc. I started to get clear and I stopped holding on just for the sake of holding on or the fear of the unknown. I trusted that there was something better for me, even in the dark. I let it all go. I stripped myself raw so I could become.
4. I accepted who I am.
In addition to my commitment to myself every single day, I also signed up for a three-month integration course with Ke'oni Hanalei, by coincidence, a Hawaiian teacher. In this training, I'd learn true self-love and acceptance. Two weeks after I signed up, I found the house I'd move into. Two months into the training, the sale closed. The day before I move is the final day of the training, fittingly named: Jubilation Ceremony. Hawai'i wanted me whole and full.
5. I claimed my desire.
It was October 2022, two months after my breakup and I was in a dark, unclear place. I sat in my childhood bedroom in Northern California on a foggy day, writing, when a song came on: "Home" by Loeka Longakit.
This is my home, means everything to me
There’s no other place in the world I would rather be
Look all around and see the beautiful scenery
Take it all in, my Hawai’i
My fingers slowed their dance across the keys and I stilled to listen to the lyrics. I felt the peace I always felt when I thought of Hawai'i and the yearning I always experienced, but what really hit me was it was the clearest I'd felt in months. Instead of wishing and hoping, I gently started welcoming.
Two months later, I went to Hawai'i. I was still displaced and everywhere I'd tried so far hadn't felt right. But on my second day there, in a meditation, I had a vision: I was home. I remembered. I melted into the earth. I allowed myself to own that this was mine. I declared to myself, the universe and my loved ones: I was coming home. That week, I found my home.
Self-acceptance is a theme I am deeply committed to helping my clients and students learn and embody. When we work in this way, everything that is meant to be, becomes. Reach me for a free 20-minute consultation, let's bring you home.